starrball (starrball) wrote,

You know you are a cat person when...

You Know You're A Cat Person When...

You do not consider an outfit complete without some cat hair.

You believe there is no such thing as a naughty cat.

You decorate your christmas tree with dangly cat toys.

Your neighbors refer to you as "the crazy one with all the cats."

You set a place at the dinner table for your cat.

You snap your fingers and pat the sofa beside you to invite your guests to sit down.

You spend more money on toys for your cats than on the kids or grandkids.

You have the cat meow on the outgoing message of the answering machine.

You chose a house to buy based on it having a good location for the catbox.

You consider cat hair in your food as extra fiber.

Nobody's feet are allowed on the furniture, but your cats are welcome to sleep on any piece they so choose

You sleep on one edge of the bed because the cat is sleeping in the middle looking soooo cute!

Vaccination and licensing records for all your cats are in perfect order, but your checkbook hasn't been balanced in months, and last year's tax records are nowhere to be found.

You refer to going to the bathroom as "using the litterbox."

You accidentally put your child's dinner plate on the floor.

You apologize when you step on a fuzzy cat toy in the dark.

You refer to your cat as your furry child.

Your parents wind up with a four-footed, furry "grandchild."

You plan your vacation around the cat show schedule.

You accidentally call your spouse by your cat's name!

You have a set of towels with "his" "hers" and "kitty's."

You call home and leave a message on the answering machine for your cat.

You and kitty have matching outfits.

You never go to the door unless it's to let a cat out.

Your favorite friends have fleas.

You think cat fur makes a wonderful garnish to any meal.

You own 17 varieties of kitty-nail-clippers.

You are lost for conversation with non-cat people.

You meow so well, you confuse the cats.

You bore the neighbors with discussions on the exact nutritional differences between cat foods

90 percent of your Internet connection time goes to the cats (seeing what's
new when you enter your cat's breed into the browser, reading cat newsgroups, viewing photos, sounds and faqs, etc.).

All dates must pass your cat's inspection

All kinds of things around the house are in need of repair, but the injured
cat you rescued by the side of the road requires immediate surgery and out
comes the checkbook

All of your charitable donations go to cat-related and humane society

All of your clothes have cat hair on them, even when they come back from the
laundromat or dry cleaners.

All of your furniture came to you second hand or via curbside discard, but
your cat furniture is top of the line.

All your social activities revolve around other cat people Your voice is
recognized by your vet's receptionist

Any conversation you're having is effortlessly directed back to the topic of

Anyone can look at your (pick all that apply) --- T-shirt - sweatshirt -
coffee mug - keychain - beach towel - cooking apron - couch throw - tote
bag - computer screen saver/wallpaper/mousepad/wristpad/monitor frame - gift
wrapping paper - photographic displays - calendars - refrigerator magnets -
weather vane - door mat - bumper stickers - umbrella - Christmas sweater -
socks - embroidery project - child's collection of stuffed animals - sheets
and bedspread - checks - checkbook covers - throw pillows - Home Pages ---
and know immediately that you are a cat lover, AND probably what particular
breed you favor.

At least three of your five weeks vacation are scheduled around grooming,
vaccinations and dental cleaning for the cats!

Books and movies are ruined for you if the cat references are incorrect.

Call long distance and talk with your cat.

Complete strangers call you on the phone to ask questions because they heard
you were a" cat person"

Cut your vacations to 3 day weekends only.

Every gift you ever get has something to do with cats

If you are cold, you put a sweater on your cat.

Kiss your cat more than 10 times per greeting.

You are on an email list with other cat people and each
one of them feels like more than family.

Lintwheels are on your shopping list every week.

More than half your grocery money goes to cat food and treats

Most of your social life is with other cat people.

Most of your vacation pictures are of cats around the world.

No matter how large your bed is, it is not large enough for you and your

On your 1040 form all your charitable donations are to Humane Societies,
Shelters and Rescue groups.

One of your vet files is labeled "Other"

Onlookers grimace at the sight of you sharing your sandwich with your cat, bite for bite

Order 250 Xmas photos of just the cat, no family in photos.

Order 5x7 photos of the kids and order 16x20 pictures of your cat.

Overnight guests (who share your bed) are offended by having to sleep with
you and the cat(s)

Poop has become a source of conversation for you and your significant other.

Relative solidity of cat excrement is a suitable topic for discussion in mixed company.

You get birthday cards for each of your cats from family, friends, and the vet. (Bonus if you keep them on the refrigerator for more
than a month.)

The family's eye doctor is located in town, but the cat's ophthalmologist is
located a two-hour drive away.

The first question you ask when on a date is: "So, do you like animals?"

The guardians of your cats will receive a larger amount of insurance policy money than will all other members of your family, combined.

The highlight of your day is spending time with your cat.

The instructions to the cat kennel/sitter are longer than the instructions to the
house sitter.

The largest display of collectibles in the house is cat stuff -- plates, photos, cards, etc.

The most exciting times on vacations, no matter where in the world you go, is when you get to pet a cat (a "feline fix").

The only (or at least first) forum you log onto is the animal forum

The only thing your friends, colleagues, and passing acquaintances say to you when they see you is, "How are the cats?" or "How many cats do you have

The part of your will dealing with your cats is longer than any other part.

The thought of changing a baby's diaper makes you swoon, but you can pick up cat poop barehanded, if necessary, without batting an eye

The whereabouts of all your important legal and personal documents escapes you, yet you know precisely where to locate the file that includes all the
vet records.

When you need someone to talk to, your cat is your first choice.

While proudly showing off your family album, your guest asks, "Isn't there anyone else in your family besides the cat?"

You and the cat come down with something like flu on the same day. Your cat sees the vet while you settle for an over-the-counter remedy from the drugstore.

You and your family haven't had your annual check up in two years, but the cats are all medically up to date

You are unbelievably pleased to receive a cat item (any cat item) as a gift --especially from a "non-cat" friend. (They really cared even if it's
not your breed.)

You avoid vacuuming the house as long as possible because your cat is afraid of the vacuum cleaner.

You become paranoid about keeping ID on your cat at all times (collar, tags, microchip, etc...), but don't bother to carry any ID yourself.

You become the family cat kennel/sitter for all your relatives

You believe every cat is a lap cat.

You believe it is your duty to talk to, pat, and even feed every cat in the neighborhood. You know their names.

You break down and buy another pillow so you can have one to sleep on

You buy a bigger bed that will comfortably sleep six

You buy premium quality cat kibble for your cat, but live on take-out, frozen pizza, and blue-box macaroni and cheese yourself.

You can only remember people by associating them with their cat

You can't fully enjoy yourself without your cat.

You carry pictures of your cat in your wallet instead of pictures of your parents, siblings, significant other, or anyone else remotely human.

You celebrate cat events (new cat, cat birthday, etc.) by throwing catered parties with lots of people--but you ignore your
own birthday.

You change jobs so you can spend more time with the cats.

You describe your children as having temperaments rather than personalities

You don't go to happy hours with co-workers any more because you need to go home and see your cat.

You don't mind it when you find cat hair in the sink, tub, embedded in the carpet or your clothes, or mixed in your food. (Take an extra point if you
don't bother trying to remove the hair from your food).

You don't think twice about sitting on the floor because both the couch and the chair are completely cat full

You don't think twice about trading licks of an ice cream cone with your cat.

You hang around the cat section of your local bookstore.

You hate posing for pictures unless you're with your cat.

You have 32 different names for your cat. Most make no sense, but the cat understands them all.

You have a bad day and decide that your cat is the best "person" to talk it over with.

You have extra cat collars on the walls, grooming tools on the
TV and sofa, cat beds strewn across all flat surfaces, kibble crud around
the base of your cabinets, chew toys everywhere, cat-fur dust rhinos
skidding across the carpet, and a long line of drips from the water bowl
to the living room across the hardwood floors--and you don't care. (Bonus
if you have important company coming and you ignore all the housekeeping in order to groom the cats before company arrives.)

You have hundreds of pictures of your cats on your desk at work, in your wallet, etc., but none of your family or yourself.

You have kiddie gates permanently installed at strategic locations in the house--but no kids.

You have little songs that you sing to your cat.

You have no reservations about kissing your cat on the lips, even when you know where his lips have been.

You have three Home Pages -- all of them dealing with your cats, your friends' cats, your cats' friends, etc.

You have your cat talk to your friends on the phone.

You justify the addition of a significant other in your life so you can have someone around to pet sit when you go away on business travel.

You keep an extra water dish in your second-floor bedroom, in case your cat gets thirsty at night (after all, her other dish is way down on the first

You keep eating even after finding a cat hair in your pasta.

You keep license tags from cats that have passed away.

You know more about feline nutrition than human nutrition (and it shows).

You lecture people on responsible cat ownership.

You let the neighbor's cat sleep over.

You like people who like your cat. You despise people who don't.

You match your furniture/carpet/clothes to your cat.

You meet other people with cats, and remember their cat's call name after 30 seconds, but don't get the owner's name until you've met them 2 or 3
times. Last names take 3-4 meetings unless you've heard about the people from other cat people first.

You give your cat your last name.

You never think about how much money you spend on the cats (or how much debt you could reduce by not having them around).

You often claim that it was love at first sight with you and your cat.

You put an extra blanket on the bed so your cat can be comfortable.

You refer to yourselves as Mommy and Daddy.

You send out especially-made holiday cards that feature you and the cats

You shovel a zig-zag path in the back yard snow so your cat can reach all her favorite spots.

You sign and send birthday/anniversary/Christmas cards from your cat.

You sit on the floor if the cat got in the chair first.

You snuggle closer to the cat than the person with whom you are sleeping

You spend more time and effort grooming your cat than yourself. (And it shows--your cat gets more compliments than you do.)

You spend more time on the computer dealing with "cat stuff" than "other stuff"

You take bereavement leave when you cat dies.

You talk about your cat the way other people talk about their kid.

You use kennel disinfectant in the house.

You wake in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom and your feet hit
a wet spot. You look at the cat in bed with you and he looks at you like
"Not me! Must have been one of the other cats."

You'd rather stay home on Saturday night and cuddle your cat than go to the movies with your sweetie.

You'll buy anything with your cat's breed on it.

Your "Welcome" sign has a cat on it.

Your bedspread doesn't have to coordinate with the bedroom, as it's always
covered with a sheet for the cats, anyway. Ditto for the couches.

Your carpeting matches the color of your cat - purposely

Your children (wife, husband, etc.) Complain that you always take more
pictures of the cat than you do of them

Half your laundry is cat blankets, sheets, and beds. (Bonus: Your cat was
sick on them and you have to sneak into the local laundromat at midnight to
do the wash.)

Your cookie jar has never seen the likes of people cookies

Your desk proudly displays your cat family

Your cat brings a dead mouse/bird/ into the kitchen and generously gives
it to you with a big smile. You say "For me? Thank you." and take it for
granted it is just another day.

Your cat decides he doesn't like someone and you tend to agree

Your cat does something wonderfully cute, and you call your friends to tell
them about it. (Bonus: The call is long distance, to a non-cat person, and
you keep them on the line for more than 2 hours.)

Your cat eats cat poop, but you still let her kiss you (but not immediately
afterward, of course).

Your cat gets his teeth brushed daily, scaled weekly, and dental cleaning at
the vet's every 6-12 months--and you can't remember your dentist's name.

Your cat gets regular checkups every 6 months, but you've lived in the state
for five years and don't have a doctor yourself. (Score double points on
this one if you have a reserve vet lined up for your cats as well.)

Your cat gets sick and you sleep next to him in a sleeping bag in the
kitchen in case he needs to go out.

Your cat has the best birthday party over and above any kid in the entire

Your cat is getting old and arthritic, so you go buy lumber and build her a
small staircase so she can climb onto the bed by herself.

Your cat is the star of your Website!

Your cat sleeps with you.

Your cats eat only the most nutritionally sound food, while your favorite
meal is mac'n cheese

Your cats have their own Christmas card and gift list -- and they receive
cards and gifts in return.

Your e-mail address includes your cat's name.

Your friends know which chair not to sit in

Your license plate, license-plate frame, or bumper sticker mentions your cat or breed.

Your medications are available at the drug store down the block, but your cat's medication has to be ordered from and shipped by a specialist.

Your mom calls and asks how the grandcats are

Your Mother's Day (birthday, anniversary, etc.) present is a kitten.

Your parents give up on grandchildren and start to refer to your cats as
"your kids" or your children." (Bonus: they start to call them "our

Your parents refer to your pet as their grandcat, remember her birthday, and
send her greeting cards and gifts.

Your personal library is heavy on cat books.

Your photo Christmas cards feature your cats (humans optional).

Your spouse issues the ultimatum: "It's them or me!" and you have no problem
pointing out the suitcase

Your trunk has an emergency food kit for any strays you might come across

Your vet and grooming bills exceed your rent.

Your vet, back-up vet, emergency vet clinic are all programmed speed dials on your telephone.

Your vet's office number is the first one on your speed dial list, his home is number two

You're more familiar with cat laws than you are with people laws

You're willing to pet sit, but not baby sit for friends.

You've conducted a taste test for cat food by buying multiple brands of
food and evaluating your cat's interest in each one. (Extra points if you
made a party out of it and invited other friends and their cats over. Or
tasted it yourself.)

You've considered moving into the kennel since it's cleaner than your house.

You've had long meaningful discussions with your friends on the best way to
trim your cat's nails, but have never had a manicure or pedicure in your

You've memorized the vet's phone number. (Bonus points if you have his home
phone memorized as well.)

Your desire to collect cats intensify during times of stress

You think it's cute when your cat swings on your drapes or licks your butter

You don't admit to non-cat owners how many cats you really have

You sleep in the same position all night because it annoys your cats when you move
You kiss your cat on the whiskers

You feed your cat tidbits from the table with your fork

Your cat sleep on your head

You have more than four opened but rejected cans of cat food in the refrigerator

You watch bad TV because the cat is sleeping on the remote

You stand at the open door indefinitely in the freezing rain while your cat sniffs the door, deciding whether to go out or come in.

You give your cat presents and a stocking at Christmas

You put off making the bed until the cat gets up
Tags: funny
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